Pieces
by The blue day dream
Summary: The Black Organization had fallen, but the hardest part had yet to pass. Returned to her original body, Shiho was left to pick up the pieces of eighteen years living with a noose around her neck.
1. Chapter 1 Truths

**Disclaimer: I don't own Detective Conan/Case closed or anything you recognize. I'm just playing around with the characters and shipping a ship that probably would never sail. But well...**

 **Pairing: Eventual Shiho/Shuichi**

* * *

The moment she regained her consciousness, Shiho knew that she was in her original body. Her eighteen-year-old body - not Haibara Ai's, niece of Agasa, friend of the Detective Boys.

 _The antidote was a success,_ she thought to herself. Shiho wondered how she should feel about that. She tried to dig up any shred of emotion that she might have over her greatest achievement yet, but all she could find was emptiness.

Haibara Ai no longer existed. Technically, the child was not supposed to exist in the first place. But Ai had been there - making curry in Agasa's house, playing football with the kids, going to school with the other first-graders like a normal child.

Shiho felt like a part of her had died along with Ai.

Gingerly, she opened her eyes, wincing at the harsh glare of the lights inside the room. It was a hospital room, and she was not cuffed to anything.

But was she safe?

"Relax, you have nothing to fear."

Her eyes snapped to the lone shadow leaning against the wall. Shiho knew that face - she would recognize him anywhere.

"It's over," he continued, in the same monotone. He made no move to leave his position and come over to check on her, which she was secretly grateful for. She didn't know how she would react if he came any closer.

 _It's over._

 _It's over._

 _It's over._

The two words replayed in her mind over and over again. Such a simple sentence, yet conveying so much. Years of living in fear, of submersing so deep in darkness that she didn't know if she could ever escape.

That one fateful night that changed everything.

"You swear?" Her voice was barely a whisper, but she knew he heard it anyway. She sounded like a scared child seeking protection and reassurance - maybe Haibara Ai was not completely dead.

"There're still many things that need to be done," he said, not replying to her demand. Shiho hadn't expected him to, anyway. "But the Black Organization members are in custody and are awaiting trial."

"That's not enough."

It still eased her, though.

"I know. It's a start, though." His voice sounded almost hopeful, betraying the serious look on his face. If Shiho was a different person, she would have smiled.

"Why are you here," she paused, choosing her next words carefully, "Moroboshi Dai-san?"

He stiffened at the name, barely. If she hadn't been watching him, she would have missed it. A twisted sort of satisfaction rose within her at his reaction to the name.

Shiho was being intentionally cruel, but she couldn't help it.

"You are a key witness. We can't be sure that some lower-ranking, non-codenamed members might not attack you," he explained coolly.

"So you are here to play bodyguard."

"I'm here to make sure you don't do something stupid," he replied, a dark look crossing his face, "Like taking a bullet meant for someone else."

She scoffed at his words, not missing the scathing note in his voice. The nerve of this man, to chastise her for saving his life! He wouldn't be here acting all high and mighty if she hadn't jumped in front of him when Gin fired that shot.

"I believe the proper etiquette would be to thank me for saving your life," said Shiho, eyes morphing into a glare.

"Is that what you want then?"

"No!" she snapped, her temper rising and then deflating just as quickly. Maybe it was because she had just awoken from God-knew-how-many-days in a prolonged coma, but she felt utterly drained. In a smaller voice, she said, "My sister loved you."

Too much for her own good, Shiho might think. But that man had been the one her sister had loved - how could she let him die?

"I was supposed to protect you," he said quietly, after a long stretch of silence, eyes avoiding hers.

"No, you don't," Shiho replied, just as quietly.

"How much do you remember? From that night?"

 _Too much_ , she thought. Shiho had not dared to venture further into her mind yet, afraid of what she might find. Fragments of memories that could give her nightmares for months. Revelations that had upturned everything she knew and had left her feeling like a fool. Gin could be very talkative when he was certain that she would not be alive for much longer.

"Please leave. I'm very tired. The doctors and nurses would want to check up on me soon," she said. At the defiant look that crossed his features, she added, "You can do your guard duty outside just as well. I'm sure this room is heavily bugged. I wouldn't be able to so much as breath without someone knowing."

Surprisingly, he complied.

* * *

The doctors said that she had been in a coma for over a month. Most of her bruises and cuts had healed, but there was no speeding up the healing process of the many broken bones and the bullet wound in her chest. The bullet was close to her heart - had the FBI wasted any more time, she would have died.

It wasn't the first time that Shiho had tangled with death and escaping by a hair's breathe.

Her hands had been a mangled mess of broken fingers bent at odd angles - courtesy of Gin. Now, they were wrapped in pristine white bandages, slowly healing and giving her pain every time a muscle so much as twitched. The long scar on the left side of her face where Gin had carved with a knife was not particular pretty, but Shiho could live with it.

Other things…well, she didn't know yet.

Visitors were limited. They were thoroughly checked by the police and the FBI before entering her room. There were guards stationed around her room every hour of the day, and Shiho would have felt annoyed by the constant surveillance if she could dredge up enough energy for it. As it was, she spent most of her time slipping in and out of consciousness.

Akai Shuichi hadn't returned once since that day she had woken up, which she supposed was for the best. She was not ready to face him again just yet. Shiho wasn't sure if she ever would; he was a stark reminder of her sister and of a life drenched in blood and pain.

 _"Didn't you know? He's the reason your sister's dead."_

Shiho was not inclined to believe anything that came out of Gin's mouth, especially not when he was torturing her to death. But she hadn't forgotten the way Akai had looked - eyes wide, skin pale as a ghost, guilt written all over his face.

How much of that was the truth?

Conan…or Kudo, as she should call him now, came around to her room a couple of times on a pair of crutches. He was hospitalized in the room right across hers, looking too cheerful for a patient who had just survived a near-death experience.

"My leg was sort of shattered," he said casually, poking at the white cast, "but it'll heal without any complications."

"Shouldn't you be back in your room and not straining yourself?" Shiho asked sarcastically. It was all too easy to slip back into the relationship they shared when they were Ai and Conan. This was comfortable, familiar - something that she had missed since she woke up.

He snorted. "I hardly think hoping a few meters to your room counts as 'straining myself'. Besides, I'm _this close_ to escape this place out of pure boredom."

"I would have thought miss Detective Agency would be keeping you company," she said, smirking as Kudo's face reddened.

"She can't be here all the time. She has her own life." Then, he sobered up, "I've been meaning to ask you something. Are you planning to tell the kids? About us?"

Out of all the things she knew she had to do, Shiho had dreaded this the most.

"I haven't given it much thought," she replied, knowing all too well that Kudo could sniff out her lie.

In truth, she had pushed this matter to the back of her mind. Prior to the day she was captured, in every scenarios that she had played out, Shiho had always imagined staying as Haibara Ai and continued with this new life. It was a chance that she had never been given - to live a normal life, have friends that were actually her friends and not people who were secretly plotting her murder, experience every boring, mundane things.

For the first time in her life, she had a choice, free to make any decision she desired. She could start over.

But then, the organization had made their move and that choice was ripped away from her.

Shiho had not prepared herself to return to being Miyano Shiho.

"Well, tell me when you have decided. We are in this together, so it's not right if I do something about it on my own."

Unexpectedly, his words sparked something ugly within her.

"If we are in this together, then why didn't you tell me about Akai Shuichi?" she hissed, and then held up a hand to stop him when he was about to say something, "And don't you _dare_ lie to me, Kudo. I know you are aware of Subaru's real identity."

"It's not my place…" he trailed off at that.

"You should have told me! I have a right to know that an ex-Black member was living _right next to me!"_

"It isn't about rights-"

"We are supposed to be partners! Friends!" Her voice had risen to a yell. It might attract attention, but she couldn't bring herself to care. "How can you ask me to trust you when you constantly withhold important information from me at your convenience?"

"It's not my secret to tell! It's his!" he snapped back, "This is not about trusting you or not. His safety, his entire life depended on that one secret. He had the right to tell whom he wanted, not me. I cannot compromise-"

"This is _exactly_ about not trusting me! What, were you afraid that I would run back to Gin after I found out that Akai Shuichi was alive?"

Kudo let out a frustrated noise. "You are putting words in my mouth. That's _not_ what I meant!"

"You owe me!" Shiho screamed, losing all composure, "If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be here right now, in Kudo Shinichi's body-"

"If it weren't for you and that blasted poison that _you_ created, I wouldn't have been in this mess in the first place!" Kudo snapped.

The silence was deafening. Shiho felt like she had been slapped, but he had been right, hadn't he? She was the start of all this - she had created something that should not be created. For all her claim that she was against the organization using the pill as a tool of murder, she had provided them with the perfect weapon to carry out their crimes. Too many had died, and even more suffering from her action.

How was she any better than Gin, Vodka or Vermouth?

She wasn't, Shiho had always knew. She was just as guilty as the rest of them, and it had taken Kudo Shinichi for her to finally face the truth. No matter how much effort she put into finding an antidote, or helping take down the organization, it would never erase her sins.

Shiho would carry this knowledge with her for the rest of her life - that she had willingly aided in the murdering and ruining the lives of countless individuals. Their blood was on her.

* * *

The officers from the Public Security Bureau was, in Shiho's opinion, vastly different from the ones she knew from other divisions.

Or maybe it was just that, officers like Sato and Takagi viewed her as an innocent first-grader who helped them a lot with cases, and treated her accordingly. Meanwhile, these people knew exactly who she was - ex-Black member who was important enough to warrant a codename and who had created the APTX 4869.

It was understandable that they treated her with most than just a hint of caution.

"The only reason you are not in custody and tried, is because Kudo Shinichi, along with several others, vouches for your loyalty and your involvement in taking down the Black Organization," said officer Takora Hanami in a clipped tone, "In exchange for our leniency, we request that you testify against the Organization and provide us with all the information that you have on them."

It was purely out of curiosity (and not any shred of defiance), that she asked, "And if I don't?"

Takora's smile was cold. "You don't want to know."

It was doubtful that they could put her through anything worse that she had already experienced, but Shiho refrained from pointing this out. She had every intention of complying with their request, and would have volunteered all the information she knew (which was quite a lot) even if they hadn't asked.

"Don't worry. I want to see the Organization destroyed just as much as you do. I'll testify against them in court and tell you everything I know. I don't know how much of that has been destroyed, but I'm sure it would be useful for you."

"That's the right answer," Takora smirked, and Shiho might have imagined it, but she felt like the woman had warmed up to her a little. "We'll officially start once you have been discharged. As for now, any questions?"

"Who are the ones you have in custody?" The question had been on the tip of her tongues for days, but there had never been any appropriate moment for her to ask, nor anyone who might have the answer. She figured that Takora would know.

"Chianti, Korn, Vodka, Vermouth, Rum, many low-ranking members and other affiliated personnel. The head of the organization was killed that night - if it makes you feel better, his death was not pretty." A satisfied look lit up Takora's face at that.

"And Gin?"

"Burned to death in the explosion that followed."

A weight seemed to have been lifted off her chest at the woman's confirmation. Shiho would have preferred to see him in trial and have him atone for his sin, but she wasn't about to look a horse's gift in his mouth. After eighteen years living with a noose around her neck, she was finally free of him.

Takora left soon after, with a reminder for Shiho to uphold her end of the promise. Then, the last person she had expected to visit her entered through the door, holding a bouquet of flowers in her hand.

"Ran-san?" Shiho had to remind herself not to call the girl nee-chan. She was no longer Ai, and Ran was two years younger than her.

"Hi, Ai-chan…I mean, Shiho-san," Ran hurriedly corrected herself, looking apologetic, "Shinichi told me that's your name?"

"It's fine. You can call me what you want, I don't mind."

For some reason, it was even weirder to hear Ran calling her by her real name.

"Shiho-san then. It's a nice name," the black-haired girl smiled, "How are you feeling?"

"Like I've been shot," Shiho intoned flatly, then mentally winced. It was all too easy to slip back to her cold, distant demeanor now that she was eighteen again. Little Ai had been much kinder and friendlier to ran than Shiho was right now. "Sorry, I mean, it wasn't the best experience, but I'm recovering."

"It's alright. It hasn't been easy for you, so don't worry about my feelings."

"How are you and Kudo-kun? If you don't mind me asking."

Much to her surprise, Ran didn't smile like she had expected.

"Well, we're good, I guess. It's nice to finally have him back, but…" she trailed off at that, but Shiho understood the words she didn't say. It couldn't have been easy for them, either.

"I take it he told you everything then?"

"Ah, yes."

Shiho's eyes softened. "You are not the only one that guy has been keeping secrets from. But, he was only trying to protect you. Trust me, I know full well just what those people were capable off, and so was Kudo-kun, to a lesser extent. If you were to experience that…he would rather die than letting that happen."

"I understand that, and I'm really touched that he would go to such extent for me. Still…" Ran pursued her lips, and Shiho knew that those two still had a long way to go. No relationship was without trials and theirs…to say that their situation was abnormal was a gross understatement.

"Anyway, I shouldn't be here to complain about my personal problems," said Ran, a note of finality in her voice that suggested the topic was closed. "You know, it's quite strange to be talking to you like this. As Shiho-san, I mean."

"It would take some getting used to, yes."

"What are your plans after you are discharged?"

"I'm serving as a witness in court, so I'll probably spend a lot of time between there and the police station. As for other things," she shrugged at that, "I'm not sure yet."

"What about school then? You are around my age, so before…before this, you were in high school, right?"

Her lips curled up into a smile at Ran's words. "Actually, I already graduated university."

"Eh? Really?" Ran's eyes were wide. "You must be super smart, even smarter than Shinichi."

Her unhappiness must have shown on her face at the mention of Kudo's name, for Ran quickly apologized, "Ah, I'm sorry. I know you two had a fight."

 _That guy is surprisingly forthcoming with his girlfriend now,_ she thought with a hint of bitterness mixed with amusement. At least someone was learning from his mistake.

Not that she had any rights to call other people out on their mistakes.

"Don't worry about it. It happens all the time."

Maybe not all the time, but she and Kudo did butthead every now and then.

"Shinichi means well, you know," Ran said gently, "even if sometimes his methods are questionable. Ah, listen to me, I'm quite the hypocrite aren't I?"

"No, you have the right to be angry at him, even if he means well." Shiho looked at the flowers Ran had gotten her, then at the direction of the opposite room. "But I understand what you mean."

* * *

 _"Do you think you can run away from me so easily, Sherry? I thought you weird smarter than that!"_

 _She could hear the sound of another finger breaking. Shiho bit back a scream, not wanting to give Gin the satisfaction of seeing her pain. She would not succumb to him, never again._

 _"You seem to have grown a backbone in the time you were away, eh?" he drawled, lips twisting into a humorless smile. His fingers ghosted the skin of her face, going down to her neck, lower, lower._

 _Shiho felt sick. She wondered if she could ever wash away the stain left behind where he had touched her._

 _"No matter," he drew back, picking up a knife, "Soon enough, you'll cower to me."_

 _And then she was screaming._

Her eyes snapped open and she bolted up in her bed, panting. _It was a nightmare,_ she reassured herself, _I'm safe I'm safe I'm safe!_

"Are you alright?"

Shiho jumped at the voice, and for a moment, she had thought that Gin was hiding in the shadow of the hospital room, waiting to finish what he had started. It had taken a minute to remind herself that he was dead and that this voice belonged to an entirely different person.

So Akai was her guard tonight.

"I'm fine. Just a bad dream," she mumbled, flopping back down. Her pillow and sheet were drenched in sweats.

"You were tossing and turning a lot."

"A _very_ bad dream, then. Please don't make me elaborate on it more."

He didn't say anything else, instead coming to sit down on the chair next to her bed. A patch of moonlight coming through the window illuminated his face. Shiho had the sudden thought that his presence made her feel safe.

Neither said anything for a long time. She was exhausted and ought to go back to sleep, but every time she closed her eyes, the images of that night appeared. She was not brave enough to face another nightmare like that.

"What Gin said that night, was it true?"

Was that her voice speaking?

Akai looked as startled as she was. Shiho couldn't blame him; she was just as surprised at her question.

"Yes. Your sister…they killed her because they found out about my real identity," he admitted. Even though his face was impassive, his voice was laced with pain.

A terrible thought occurred to her just then.

"Were you…did you use her? As a way to get in?"

"At first. But then I fell for her, for real. I loved her very much."

"You still do," Shiho observed.

It was plain as day. Even before, when she had met him for the first time, he had had this look in his eyes whenever he looked at her sister that did not left any doubt about his feelings for her. A part of her was happy for her sister, to have someone who loved her that much and would move heaven and earth if it meant her happiness. Another part of her grieved for Akemi, to have fallen for the man who had ultimately been her demise.

His action made sense now - him doing everything he could to protect her. Akai blamed himself for her sister's death. Shiho was the only thing left of her sister in this world. He would want to protect that.

"You might think I blame you for what happened to Akemi-nee-chan, but I don't," she said softly, "Not even for a moment."

After all, it wasn't his fault. It was hers. Akemi had stayed in the organization for her. If it hadn't been for Shiho, she would have been living a happy life, clean from darkness.

It seemed as though even with ten lifetimes, Shiho could never fully atone for her crimes.

"I wish you would have told me, though, when you were Subaru. Or even before that, I don't know. For so long I couldn't understand…" she choked, tears sliding down the side of her face.

"I couldn't face you," he whispered, "Not after…I was a coward."

"You seem to have a very low opinion of yourself," Shiho mumbled, trying to lighten her voice.

Akai chuckled weakly. "You should go to sleep. You need your rest."

"Can you stay here?"

"Of course."

She didn't have any more nightmares for the rest of the night.

 _Tbc._


	2. Chapter 2 Decisions

_**Come alone and the others will be spared. You know where to find me.**_

 _The blood was drained from her face. For one moment, Haibara stood perfectly still, hands griping the note like her life depended on it. Then blind terror swept in and she couldn't breathe._

 _She could recognize his handwriting anywhere._

 _The note was slipped into her backpack, likely when she and the kids where passing through that crowded street on their way home. Haibara didn't know how they had located her or who had done this, but she knew one thing - she_ had _to protect them._

 _Agasa. Kudo. The kids. She would die before she let the Black Organization get their hands on those people._

 _Not this time, not her family again._

You bastard, _she thought, clenching her fist. Haibara knew where he would be - it was so obvious it almost made her laugh. But he was like that, his greatest downfall and also his most dangerous characteristic. Gin loved toying with his prey._

 _She knew it was a trap, but she didn't care. She was sick and tired of him haunting her every move, of living her life in fear of that man. One way or another, this would end._

 _It was easy to make up some excuses to leave the house. The professor was busy with the kids and Kudo was talking with Ran on the phone. No one would think twice when she said she was going out to get some extra groceries. They were missing some drinks, after all._

 _Kudo would be furious with her, but by the time that he realized, she would be long gone._

 _Or long dead, most likely._

* * *

On the day that she was discharged from the hospital, Agasa picked her up with his old Beetle. Kudo, who had been released a week before her, sat in the back seat. Shiho spared him from hoping out to get her, taking pity on his leg.

They had made up a few days after that fight. Shiho had apologized for yelling at him about Akai, while Kudo had said he regretted keeping it a secret from her.

"It's alright. It wasn't your secret to tell, I get that."

"About what I said about you and that drug…."

"You were right about it. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have gotten involved like this," she said evenly.

Kudo sighed. "I shouldn't have said that. It wasn't your fault."

Shiho lifted an eyebrow, "Are you sure about that?"

"You weren't the one using it on me."

"Big difference. I created it. If I hadn't-"

"By that logic, then the one who created guns should be responsible for all the shooting crime in the world. Or the car manufacturer should be responsible for every person that is killed by a car," he fired back, and there was that familiar smug look in his eyes when he knew that she couldn't argue with what he said.

"Smart-ass," she mumbled, and the topic was closed.

But she wasn't Kudo Shinichi. She couldn't so easily wash off her involvement as something that was out of her control. He could give her all the logic and evidence in the world, but it wouldn't change the one thing she knew was the truth - Shiho had blood on her hand. Quite a lot of it.

"Oi, are you getting in the car or what?" he asked, snapping her out of her thought.

"Fine, fine. Stop nagging me."

How strange, to be sitting in the backseat of the professor's car, not as a small child, but as a fully grown young woman. The world seemed to have shrunken and folded in on itself, though she knew perfectly well that was not the case. It was only that she was now seeing things from a different vantage point.

Shiho reckoned this would be a familiar feeling for the next couple of weeks - this feeling of bewilderment as she reacquainted herself with living her life as an eighteen-year-old. Not that she had much of a life in the first place. All of the friends that she had was during her time as Haibara Ai. Though fundamentally the same, she was a different person now and not all of those people could stay.

The kids could no longer be a part of her life, at least not as her closet friends. Being stuck in a hospital with nothing better to do, Shiho had been given a lot of time to think - and one conclusion she had reached was that she couldn't tell them the truth. Their lives had only just begun and she didn't want to burden them with the knowledge of what had happened to her. Shiho wasn't even sure if they could handle it at their age.

They deserved to grow up believing in goodness and kindness, not stained by the darkness that Shiho had unwittingly brought upon them. That innocence, those pure eyes…she wanted to preserve them for as long as she could.

Shiho knew they would be heart-broken now, but children forgot easily. They were only six and in a few years, she would be nothing but a passing memory in a short period of their lives.

Lying to protect those she loved was no easy thing, it seemed.

"It's just one more things that you have to live with for the rest of your life," Kudo had told her when she discussed about it with him, "But I agree with you. We can't tell them the truth. We can't do that to them."

"How do we explain Haibara and Conan's disappearance, then?"

"Ah, when you were still comatose, the doctor called the school. He said your parents had returned to take you back to England. As for me, I'm apparently living in China now."

"How did they react? The kids?"

"What do you think?" Kudo asked softly, and Shiho knew he would miss them just as much as she did.

In a way, they had created their own little family from a less-than-ideal situation. It was the first family she had had since Akemi died, and now it was time to say goodbye.

* * *

"Do you swear that you will speak the truth and nothing but the truth?"

"I swear."

That had been the easy part - swearing that oath. It went down-hill from there.

The room she was in closely resembled that of an interrogation room (funnily enough, she had been acquainted with such a place only after she had become Ai, not during her time working in the organization). The lights were brighter, though, and Shiho was pretty sure that the officers sitting across from her weren't about to break out the screws and nails should she say something wrong.

Pretty sure.

She knew the three people in this room, Takora Hanami included, weren't the only one listening to what she had to say. Behind that mirror was probably an army of PSB agents, maybe even the double-agent playing the role of Bourbon.

(Another secret that Kudo had kept from her. She had learned not to be surprised by now)

"What's your name?"

"Miyano Shiho. My codename in the Black Organization was Sherry."

"How old are you?"

"Eighteen."

They had started with the general questions first, things that she could easily answer without any hesitation. It was all for the sake of recording it on tape, for they had already knew those information.

"How long have you been in the organization?" Takora asked.

"All of my life. My parents were members." A humorless smile graced her lips. "I was born into it, you can say."

Not joining by choice, but by birth. Why was she trying to justify her past to them? They had already promised not to try her, hadn't they? Shiho didn't need to seek approval or understanding from these people.

Then came reliving her past eighteen years. A lifetime of secrets. No wonder Gin and the others had been so intent on killing her - she knew too much. Not everything, but more than she wanted. Many of those secrets had to do with her and what she had done, things she was not proud of. Now, they were all coming to light.

"And you created the poison known as APTX 4869?"

"My parents started the research. They created the poison. I carried on their work, refined it," she paused, wondering if she should continue, "The APTX 4869 wasn't meant to be a poison."

One of the officers snorted, but Shiho paid him no mind. She hadn't expected them to believe her.

The session went on for hours. As they dived deeper into her past, Shiho found it harder and harder to talk. She didn't want to protect the organization; it was just that many things were too close to heart. She told them of the first time she held a gun - thirteen years old, all lanky limbs and shaking like a leaf. Gin had insisted on training her with firearms and a part of the exercise had been to kill one of the low-rank members.

She kept quiet about the beating that ensured when she missed and he killed the member himself. To this day, Shiho could still recall the blood squirting from the hole in the man's forehead. She had never been squeamish about blood, but there was just something about that image that made her stomach churn.

She told them of the many drugs she created and detailed what each of them did. Creating hallucination, rendering parts of the body useless, heightening the victims' sense of pain - to name a few. Shiho was all too aware that she sounded like a mad, evil scientist. The PSB agents behind the glass were probably scrambling to call in their best psychologists to ensure she wouldn't snap in the future.

And then at one point, Bourbon entered the room and she knew things were about to get a lot worse.

He started asking her about her relationship with Gin.

"He seemed to have a strange fascination with you. Why is that?" the dark-skinned man questioned.

Shiho was silent for a long time, face blank. Then, she asked, "How would this information help with the investigation in any ways? Gin is already dead."

"You promise to cooperate with us and provide all the information we need."

"Why do you need to know about me and him?" she retorted, an edge of defensiveness in her voice.

 _Calm down, Shiho, no use getting worked up over this,_ she reminded herself, though it was hard to do when they were all looking at her like that, demanding her to give up her deepest, darkest secrets.

"Are you protecting him?" Bourbon asked with a raised eyebrow, eyes dark. The expression on his face reminded her too much of a predator for her liking.

 _No wonder he could maintain his identity for so long,_ she thought spitefully, _He fits just right in with the rest of them._

"Don't you dare put words into my mouth!" she snarled, "Don't forget that I am here as a witness, _not_ a criminal. Until you provide me with an adequate excuse as to why you need those information, I'm not saying anything.

"Of course," Shiho smirked, "You can always break out the torture equipment. Though I'm sure that wouldn't go so well with your superiors. You law enforcements cannot run wild with your methods, after all."

 _There goes any hope of making nice._

But she couldn't bring herself to care. Bourbon had crossed a line, and Shiho wasn't about to let him or anyone coerce her into doing something that she didn't want, never again. They had no rights to demand those information out of her - they were personal and Gin was already dead.

Not to mention, saying them aloud…it was too much like reliving those moments and admitting just how weak and pathetic she had been. Shiho had no intention of doing that in front of anyone, let alone these PSB agents.

The door creaked open and someone walked in. The man approached Bourbon and whispered something into his ear. A mutinous look crossed Bourbon's face, though it passed quickly. He signaled Takora and the woman turned to look at Shiho.

"We are done for today. You can leave. We'll contact you again before the next session."

Shiho was not looking forward to it.

* * *

"You were behind the glass, weren't you?" Shiho asked flatly once she saw Akai leaning against the wall in the hallway, right outside of her 'interrogation room'.

"The FBI and the PSB are working together," he explained, pushing himself up to a standing position.

"I'm sure Bourbon liked that."

Akai smirked. "You have no idea."

Shiho walked towards the elevator and she wasn't surprised when Akai fell into steps next to her. How long he planned on continuing being her self-appointed bodyguard, she didn't know. Didn't he have anything better to do than shadowing the eighteen-year-old sister of his old girlfriend?

She ought to be grateful for him, she knew. He had saved her life far too many times for her to count, and that only included the attempts that she knew of. Shiho owed this man a great deal.

Perhaps, that was precisely why she was unhappy with him. She hated knowing that she was indebted to anyone, especially Akai Shuuichi.

"So, are you going to ask me about Gin?" she quipped casually once they were in the elevator, "I'm sure you are just as curious as the rest of them."

"It's none of my business. You are entitled to your own secrets, and I'm not about to make you divulge them. Would you have answered, even if I had asked?"

"Definitely not."

He grinned slightly. "Exactly. Besides," the grin slid of his face just as fast as it appeared, replaced by a hard look, "I don't know if I could keep calm if I knew what he had done to you."

Shiho didn't know what to say to that. To hear something like that from Akai was strange, to say the least. The only people who had ever gotten angry on her behalf were her sister and, later on, the doctor, Kudo and the kids. All of those people were her friends and family, but Akai…

Well, she wasn't sure what _he_ was, to be honest. She was aware that he was convinced he had some sort of obligations towards her, but surely those obligations didn't extend to being concerned about the past actions of a man who was long dead? He couldn't change the past any more than she did, so why waste energy on useless indignation? Akai didn't strike her as someone who did unnecessary things.

At least, she could _somewhat_ see why her sister had been so attracted to this man in the first place. Akemi had always had a preference for the mystery. And Akai - he was practically mystery personified.

"What are you planning to do now?" Shiho asked, once the silence had become uncomfortable, "The organization's no longer a threat. You won't be needed as much as before in this stage. And _don't_ say you're gonna stick around to watch over me like some sort of guardian angel or some other bullshit."

"How unappreciative of you," he remarked dryly, "I'll probably head back to the US, take care of some business. I still have a lot of loose ends to tie up. Of course, the investigation and the trials take precedence."

"Ah."

It made sense that he would return to the US. His assignment was over and he would now return to his normal life (as normal as that could be for someone like him). It seemed that everyone around her was slowing easing back into their own lives - a life without the organization.

Where would that leave her, then? She had known no other life beyond that in the organization. Even as Haibara Ai, she was constantly hiding, running from those people. Now that they were out of the picture and she was free to do whatever she wanted, she felt…dare she said it, lost.

Every moment of every day of her life, up until now, had been with a purpose. Shiho knew what her objectives and her goals were, and how to achieve them. She was never without work, which was an aspect that she missed. Not the organization, not the deeds that she had carried out - just a sense of purpose.

Even if it was a wrong one.

"…you then?"

Shiho blinked. "Beg your pardon?"

"What about your own plans? What are you going to do now?"

"You know, another person asked me that same question a month ago," she said, recalling her conversation with Ran. "Unfortunately, I still haven't made any progress."

Akai appeared to muse over this. Then he said, "If you want, I can offer you some advice."

"What, are you playing the big brother role now?" she teased, a smirk on her face. Akai Shuuichi was probably the last person she would ever think of as a big brother. Still, she added for good effect, " _Shuuichi-niisan?_ "

Akai made a face. "Do you want to hear it or not?"

"Alright, alright."

"Well, I think that right now, you don't have to make any big, life-changing decisions. You are only eighteen, and in a way, you have just started to live your life for real without anyone telling you what you have to do or who you have to be. Just do what you want."

"That's easy to say, but what if I do something wrong?" What was left unsaid, was that she had done enough wrong for a few lifetimes.

"It's a fear we all have, especially with the kind of life we led," he nodded, "But trust that from now on, no one is going to hurt you or try to kill you for every mistake that you make. Unless you attempt murder, in which case we'll need to have a very serious discussion."

"And here I thought you didn't have a sense of humor."

"I try," Akai replied dryly, "But keep what I said in mind. You are free now. Enjoy that freedom and make decisions for yourself, not for anyone else, Shiho-san."

It was the first time that he used her name - her real name.

* * *

Shiho wasn't prepared for when Kudo barged into her room, a face-splitting grin on his face that usually suggested he was about to say something she wouldn't like.

Usually.

"Doors are invented for a reason, you know," she commented sarcastically, "To prevent idiots like you from bothering other people."

"You are hilarious," he retorted, sitting down on her bed.

Shiho swiveled around from her table, eyebrows raising. "Well, what are you here for? Aside from wasting my time, that is."

"I'll let that slide for now, because I have an offer for you. How would you like attending high school with me and Ran?"

"Eh?"

"Just hear me out," Kudo said, holding up his hands. "I know that you intended to stay as Haibara and live a new life. But well, that's not possible now. The antidote's a success and we can't risk you taking the APTX again on the off-chance that you might be shrunk a second time. Like it or not, Haibara Ai's gone.

"But, I figure that that doesn't mean you can't have something of a normal experience. You deserve it, after all you have been through. Going to high school is as normal as it can get. Many people can be idiots and I'm sure none will be as smart as you, but it's fun. It's something you have never experienced before, right?"

"Have you forgotten the fact that I have graduated university already?"

Kudo shrugged. "No one needs to know that. We can always say you are a transfer student and you attend school late, so you are a little older than the rest of us. You don't even look older, anyway. If anything," he smirked smugly, "you're shorter than me now."

Shiho narrowed her eyes. "I don't need to be tall to poison your food."

"Pretend I never said that," he replied hastily. "Anyway, what do you think? My parents can help you prepare the paperwork."

"This is really sudden."

"I know."

"It might not work out."

"The chances are small."

"I need time to think about this."

Kudo didn't look the least bit surprised at that. He stood up, informed her that the new semester would start in three weeks, so she still had some time to consider her option. When he left, her brain was still trying to process what he had just said.

Attending high school with him and Ran. A chance, that was what he was offering her. A chance to live a normal life, where her biggest worry would be tomorrow's homework and exams. Hadn't she always wondered what it would be like to be a high school student like anyone else, and not a grade-skipping preteen girl who was too smart for her own good?

This was her chance.

But what if it was a wrong decision?

 _No one is going to hurt you or try to kill you for every mistake that you make._

It figured that Akai would appear at a time like this. But he was right, wasn't he? There was no Gin or Vermouth lurking around the corner, waiting to persecute her for every misstep. Shiho could truly do what she wanted.

 _Enjoy that freedom and make decisions for yourself, not for anyone else._

When was the last time she had made a decision for herself? She couldn't remember. This might just be the first.

So when she called Kudo, a few days later, saying the one word "yes", she finally understood why so many people fought for independence. It was liberating, the freedom of doing what she wanted.

For the first time in her life, Shiho had hope for her future.

 _Tbc._


	3. Chapter 3 On the Move

**Sooooo new chapter. Sorry for the long wait - I'm a bit more active on A03 so I didn't realize that I need to update the story here. So sorry guys...**

 **Anyways, feel free to check out this story on A03: /works/13441419/chapters/30807468**

 **The update there is faster. But I'll try to get the story here up to date as well.**

 **Thank you for taking the time to read this and for being so patient :)**

* * *

 _Shiho cursed under her breath as she exited the taxi. Between working at the lab and treating herself to a few luxurious hours of sleep, she had almost forgotten about the date she had with her sister. As it was, she was awfully late, and while she knew Akemi wouldn't mind, Shiho still felt bad._

 _Close as they were, the two sisters didn't meet each other much. It was what the Organization wanted. Outwardly, she and Akemi were only supposed to be passing acquaintances, Akemi being Hirota Masami. Seeing each other a few times a year was already pushing it a bit, and Shiho knew better than anyone what could (would) happen if they were to cross the line._

 _Akemi was one of the few precious things she had left; she just had to be content with the way things were now. Because the depressing thing about life was that, it could always get a lot worse._

 _Her sister was sitting in a booth by the corner with a man next to her. Shiho recognized him right away - she had been the one to introduce him into the Organization, after all._

 _"Nee-chan, Moroboshi-san," she nodded at the two of them as she sat down on the opposite side, "Sorry I'm late."_

 _"It's fine. We didn't wait long," Akemi said, smiling. Her sister always seemed gentle and happy - but today, she was glowing. Shiho had a sneaking suspicion as to why._

 _If that wasn't clue enough, then their joined hands certainly were._

 _"I was caught up in work," Shiho explained._

 _Akemi made a disapproving noise. "You work too much, Shiho. That's not healthy."_

 _"So you always say," Shiho muttered, though she was smiling. It felt nice to have someone fuss over her every once in a while. It made her feel like any other teenagers…and not genius scientist serving one of the most dangerous crime organizations in the world._

 _"You said you had something to tell me, right?" she prompted, looking expectantly at her sister and Moroboshi._

 _He hadn't said a word since she arrived, but Shiho wasn't surprised. He seemed the type to keep quiet most of the time._

 _"Ah, yes," Akemi laughed, a blush rising to her face. Her sister looked at the man next to her, then back at Shiho. "Well, I just want to introduce you to my new boyfriend, that's all. I figure you should know."_

 _Suspicion confirmed. Shiho knew she ought to congratulate them, and she did, because her sister seemed happy._

 _But even then, Shiho couldn't shake off the feeling that there was something unsettling about Moroboshi Dai - like eventually, he would bring pain to Akemi._

 _And Shiho didn't like that one bit._

* * *

"Ai-kun? Ai-kun!"

Shiho blinked, snapped out of her thought. The professor was standing in front of her, a concerned look on his face. In his hands was the last box of her belongings. Not that she had many possessions in the first place, and even then, most of which were books, data and other documents related to her research.

She really needed to get a life.

"Yes?"

"Are you alright? You look a little dazed."

"I'm fine. Just remembered something, that's all," she brushed it off with a light comment, taking the box from him. "Thanks for helping me move, Professor."

"You know, you could stay at my house. You don't have to live on your own."

Shiho smiled. He and Kudo had been repeating the same thing ever since she told them a week ago that she would move back into her parents' old house. She had come to view Agasa's house as her home, but she didn't want to intrude on him any longer. The place was never hers in the first place, and the longer she stayed there, the harder it was to leave. She had only agreed to go back after she was discharged because the doctors insisted that she needed someone to watch over her. Now that she was fully healed, there was no longer any reason to.

She had considered living on her own ever since she was in the hospital. Her old apartment was not an option, though, not when she knew that the Organization had stripped the place clean or even destroyed it (she wouldn't put it past them). In all honesty, she didn't want to return there even if it had remained. The place was riddled with bad memories. It symbolized everything that had gone wrong in her life.

Akemi's will stated that she left everything to Shiho, including her apartment. But Shiho didn't want to live there, either. Her sister's touch was in everything in that flat - from the rug on the wall, the light curtains on the window, to the little pots of flowers outside the window. She hadn't been back there once since Akemi's death, and even now, she was not ready.

Her parents' house was the only place untouched by any painful past. It was a modest two stories with a garden out front and a backyard where a sakura tree was planted. The house was a too big for one person, but Shiho didn't mind. Neither she nor Akemi had ever lived there - it would be like a fresh start.

"I want to," she said, voice honest. She felt good about this decision. "This place is not too far from school, either. And I can always visit so that you wouldn't be too lonely."

"More like you want to make sure he doesn't eat junk all the time," came another voice from the stairs. Moments later, Kudo poked his head into the living room, smiling at the two occupants, "I like this house. It has a good feeling. The sakura tree is especially fitting."

"Your parents used to live here, right, Ai-kun?"

"I'm not sure. All I know is that the will states that this property belongs to them. It's mine now, I guess."

"Are you sure you can live by yourself?"

"Professor, I'm not a kid. I don't need someone to watch over me," she smirked, "Unlike you."

She would miss it, though, the life she had with the professor in that house. The occasional explosions coming from his room. Making curry together with Ayumi. Working on the antidote for the APTX in the basement. Dinners with Agasa and the kids. Even Subaru (Akai, she reminded herself) stopping by to give them food.

Every good thing came to an end, she knew, and she mourned for that life she no longer had. But if she had learned anything from the past two months, it was that when one good thing ended, it might just be that it was making space for the next good thing to come.

"Professor, thank you. For everything you have done," Shiho said sincerely.

That day when he found her in front of his house and made the decision to let her stay had changed her life. He had saved her in more ways than one, whether he knew it or not.

"You're welcome, Ai-kun. I'm happy if you are happy."

"Oi, what about me?!"

"I don't know what you are talking about, Kudo."

* * *

Shiho surveyed herself in the mirror. The blazer and skirt fit perfectly, yet she couldn't help but feel a little out of place. This was the first time she had ever worn an uniform and it was nothing short of strange.

Today was her first day of school at Teitan high. While she had been to countless schools before, and had been the new student more time than she could count, Shiho felt nervous still. What would her classmates be like? Would they like her? Or would they be able to tell right away that she didn't belong there?

No use fussing over that, she told herself.

Pushing away the unnecessary thought, she looked at the mirror once more. The scar on her face was now a raised red line, a stark contrast against her pale skin. Every time she looked at it, she was reminded of the man who had used his knife to carve pain into her flesh. He was long gone now, but the scars that he left behind in this world would never heal.

Not for her, not for many other people.

"There's nothing to worry about that scar."

Shiho jumped slightly. She hadn't noticed Ran standing in the doorway.

"Ran-san."

"Sorry for barging in. I just thought you needed some help, since you were taking a bit long to come down," Ran said apologetically, still smiling.

The girl and Kudo had come by Shiho's place this morning, insisting that they would walk her to school. She had asked them to wait downstairs while she got ready.

"It's fine. I was just…uhm, that is, I've never had an uniform before."

"You look very nice, Shiho-san."

"Thank you."

"And that scar…to me, it just proves that you are a very brave person. Not many can go through what you did and continue to live life the way you are."

Even though it was Ran's face and Ran's voice, all Shiho could see was her sister. Akemi would have said the same thing, would have smiled kindly the way Ran was now.

It was no good, she was getting choked up.

"We should go, or we would be late," she said, picking up her bag. Her phone buzzed just then, signaling a new incoming message.

The number did not belong to any of her contacts. Good luck, it said, and nothing else. Yet, the corners of her lips curled up slightly. It was typical of that person to do something like this.

* * *

High school, as it turned out, was nothing short of intimidating.

Shiho was perfectly aware of the irony of that statement. After all, she had been through murder attempts, torture, terrorist attacks and just about every other horrible thing that one could think of. She had survived and had the scars to prove it; and yet, she still found being in a class full of teenagers to study algebra and kanjis unnerving.

That spoke volumes about who I am as a person, she thought.

It wasn't that her classmates had been awful. All of them had been nice, if a bit too enthusiastic about having a new student. Each of them had stared at the scar on her face at least once, but they were polite enough to quickly divert their eyes away and make no mention of it. Which was fortunate, seeing as Shiho didn't feel like making up an excuse as to why she got that in the first place.

Kudo and Ran hovered around her the entire day like protective mother hens, pointing out places that she should know and asking her if she was alright every hour. If Shiho didn't know better, she would say they were on an undercover mission by the FBI to stick to her like their lives depended on it.

As it was, she did know better. While she was touched that they cared about her enough to worry, she also found their antics quite annoying, to say the least.

"If you two carry on like this tomorrow, I will drug you in your sleep," Shiho threatened menacingly once school was over.

"Eh, sorry, Shiho-san," Ran said, smiling, "It's just that it's your first day…"

"Yeah, and you can be quite lost sometimes," Kudo quipped, "But things turn out to be fine in the end."

"Say, did you guys know each other from before?" Suzuki questioned, looking between the three of them, "You seem quite familiar with one another."

Ran sent Kudo a panicked look and Shiho had to restrain herself from sighing. That girl couldn't keep up an act if her life depended on it.

"I'm professor Agasa's niece. I've met Kudo-kun a couple of times before and he has introduced me to Ran-san," Shiho explained, in her best casual voice.

"No wonder you look kinda familiar. I was thinking you look like that kid…that Ai-chan."

Shiho stiffened. Surprisingly enough, it was Sera who came to her rescue.

"I think she's the older sister," the girl said, sending Shiho a knowing look. Shiho gave her a small nod in gratitude.

It seemed that even now, her life was shrouded with lies and secrets. There were things that should never be made known, at least by those who were not directly involved in it. Shiho had been naïve to think that she could stop living with secrets just because the Organization was taken down.

Yet, she found that she wasn't as bothered by that as she should. Keeping secrets was an integral part of her life and it was something that she was good at.

How strange, to think that such a thing could serve as a small source of comfort in this new life that she led.

"Shuu-nii!" Sera called out, running towards the gate where a lone figure clad in black was waiting.

"Is it just me, or does Masumi-chan's older brother look sort of creepy?"

Ran swatted her best friend's arm. "Sonoko, don't be mean!"

Shiho sent Kudo a questioning look, but it seemed that even he didn't know what Akai was up to.

"What are you doing here, nii-chan?" they heard Sera's question as they neared the pair.

"Akai-san, hey!" Kudo smiled. Out of all the people she knew, Kudo was probably the most at ease around this person (minus, of course, the FBI agents he worked with). Even Sera was a little careful around her brother, treating him with a mix of happiness, awe and caution.

As for her…

Akai nodded at all of them in greeting, then said, "Shiho-san, can I have a word?"

"Eh? Okay, I guess."

"We'll wait for you over there," Ran said tactfully, dragging Sera and Kudo along with her, Sonoko close by. Shiho could feel the others' confusion burning holes into the back of her head, especially Sera's.

"What do you want?" she asked bluntly, which elicit a chuckle from Akai.

"Straight-forward as always, eh? Maybe I just want to say hi to my favorite neighbor."

"Yeah, and fishes can fly," Shiho returned flatly. She crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently, "Well, what is it, Akai-san? Wait, before that, how did you find my number? The text this morning, that was you, wasn't it?"

"I have my ways."

"So Kudo-kun told you."

He merely smiled.

"I'm going back to America tonight, so I thought I should give you this," he said, pulling out a white envelope from his pocket. On the front was her name, written in the slender, careful strokes that she knew all too well.

Even though she knew it was not medically possible, her heart skipped a beat.

"Your sister entrusted this to me the last time that…well, she said it was just in case," he let out a small, humorless sound. "I should have given you this a long time ago, but you know…how much of a coward I am."

Numbly, Shiho reached out and took the letter in her hands, holding onto it like a life line. When Akemi was killed, the organization had destroyed all of her personal possessions. The only memento she had had of her sister had been the lone picture the two of them had taken together, along with several birthday gifts and small knick-knacks Akemi had given her throughout the year.

Then, when Shiho had ran away, those had perished with everything that she had ever owned. For a long time, she had thought that the only thing she had left of her sister now would be eighteen years of far and few-in-between memories.

But she was wrong. She was wrong.

Tears gathered at the corner of her eyes, and before they could fall down, Shiho hurriedly wiped them away, lest they ruin the envelop in her hand. Slender fingers traced the kanjis of her name, black ink stark against the white paper.

Akemi had written this, Akemi had touched this.

This was Akemi's.

"Thank you," she whispered, looking up at the man standing in front of her. His eyes were so full of sorrow, that for one moment, Shiho thought he desperately needed a hug.

But her body remained frozen where she was, cradling the envelop in her hands like the most precious thing in the world, and the moment passed.

"You don't have to. I didn't-"

"But you did! This…this is…I thought I didn't have _anything_ left of her. Thank you…for keeping it safe and delivering it to me."

"You know she's still with you, right? Always," Akai said, voice soft, "You're the one she loves most in the world."

"Same as you."

A small smile blossomed on her lips, as she looked at the envelop in her hands, bearing the name of "Miyano Shiho".

* * *

"So what was that about?" Kudo asked.

Sera had followed her brother and Sonoko had gone home as well. Ran had walked with them half-way before leaving for an errand, instructing Kudo under no uncertain term to walk Shiho home. He didn't protest, probably because he had intended to do so himself.

Not that she needed it - she wasn't a child anymore, after all. But she appreciated the gesture all the same.

"He wanted to deliver a letter from my sister. He's leaving for America tonight, apparently."

"Oh, that's good! I'm glad he gave it to you," Kudo said, face lit up with a smile. Even now, Shiho could see Conan bleeding through his every gesture. It was a wonder that Kudo had managed to keep his identity a secret for so long.

As they neared her house, something struck her as odd. The front gate was ajar, though Shiho clearly remembered closing it this morning. The lock was broken as well, looking as though someone had forced their way into the house.

A cold feeling washed down her spine.

Kudo's hand shot out to stop her. He shifted his body so that he was shielding her, almost instinctually.

Old habits die hard, she thought, pushing his arm away and stood side by side with him. The time for her to be protected by Kudo had passed. She refused to hide behind his back any longer.

"Wait, what if-"

"I don't think so," Shiho said, with the barest hint of uncertainty in her voice. "They would never be this careless. It's probably just a common thief."

"It's still not wise to just charge in like this. The thief could still be inside the house. If only I still kept the watch with me…"

"I know something that works better," she muttered, "I have a gun hidden in the shoes closet."

" _What?!_ "

Shiho raised an eyebrow at him. "Who do you think I am?"

"Not someone who keeps a gun in her shoes closet, obviously," he retorted, pinching the bridge of his nose in an exasperated manner. "Alright, fine, we'll go in to check. I have Megure-san on speed-dial. The gun's a last resort, got it? I don't want you going around shooting at random thieves."

"Yes, sir!" Shiho said, voice dripping with sarcasm. It figured that this guy would have Megure on speed-dial.

It seemed that their worry had been for naught, however. Whoever had trespassed into her house, he or she was long gone, leaving behind a mess of broken furniture, yet stealing nothing. All of her belongings remained, even her TV and laptop. It was most peculiar.

"I'll call the police," Kudo said, pulling out his phone. His eyes drifted towards the gun in her hand. "You better put that thing away before they came."

Rolling her eyes at his retreating back, Shiho placed the gun back into its original place inside her shoes closet before going into the living room. This place was the most messy, with books scattered on the floor, the couch overturned, the curtains tore down and the flower vase broken, spewing water everywhere. The girl sighed, already dreading having to clean this up.

Whoever had done this better hope that she wouldn't run into them any time soon.

Then, something caught her eyes. Amidst the ruined furniture, the glass of water that Kudo had drunk from this morning remained in its original place on the table, untouched. She would have thought that something that small and fragile would have not survived under the hands of the thief.

"Strange," Shiho mumbled to herself, picking it up. As soon as she did, she saw what was inside and her hand went slack. The glass fell to the floor, shattered into many pieces, the water inside forming a dark patch on the carpet.

"Miyano, what's wrong?" came Kudo's voice from the kitchen, but it was merely white noise to her ears.

Crouching down, she shifted through the broken content, looking for that one thing that she knew she had saw. Shards of glass cut into her skin, drawing blood, but she paid it no mind. She had to find it.

"Miyano? What are you doing?"

And there it was, the thing that she had been looking for. With trembling fingers, she picked it up.

A single strand of fine silver hair, stained with her blood.

 _Tbc._


End file.
